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The Lament

January 13, 2009

In the strangulating solitude

A wish quivers on my lips

That I could re-write 

The end of our story

That started on a good note

And ended on a bitter one

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. yesterdaywazbetter permalink
    January 13, 2009 4:02 pm

    gone those days when stories use to end on the phrase “so they lived happily ever after”

    yeh i wish that too !

  2. shobig permalink
    January 13, 2009 7:54 pm

    Nice one Ayesha. the last two verses are redundant, however.

  3. January 14, 2009 4:27 am

    Very nice! Liked the phrase ‘strangulating solitude’.
    Share more!

  4. January 14, 2009 7:22 am

    wish we could rewrite the ending of our story too … but we wish it was a bitter end … coz atleast then we wouldn’t have to remember everything in such a beautiful and painful way nor have to suffer as much as we are suffering now !!

  5. Ayesha permalink
    January 14, 2009 4:49 pm

    Shobig: If I remove these sentences wouldn’t it look incomplete?

    Aadil: Thanks… I’ll try!

  6. Cavaliere permalink
    January 14, 2009 9:45 pm

    I think shobig is right, the last two lines are redundant as you’ve already expressed the desire to re-write that story — meaning therefore, that the end was a bitter one or atleast not as you’d ve wanted it to be..

    Rest of it is very very good ! 🙂

  7. shobig permalink
    January 15, 2009 7:06 pm

    Ditto Cavaliere! And every story starts on a good note, so no need to mention that explicitly either. My two pence 🙂

  8. Ayesha permalink
    January 17, 2009 8:33 pm

    I am thinking to scrap the whole poem! 🙂

    Or maybe change it when something relevant strikes my mind. For now, I’ll leave it as it is.

  9. January 17, 2009 9:51 pm

    Gosh, I love this!
    happy endings make you wonder what exactly did they do with their fianaces and other troublesome woes which occur in life.
    Like in Cinderalla, after she married the Prince didn’t they ever argue over the wailing babies, over have petty fights over leaving the toilet seat down???Geez, it’s too unrealistic.
    😐

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