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Yellow…

May 29, 2008

That morning when she opened her eyes everything seemed yellow. The sunlight was filtering through the pale, worn out curtains. But it was not that yellowish light, the room was filled with. The color yellow was oozing out from with in. She looked at his empty bed in the other corner of the small, square room.

 

She knew the feeling too well. Her forehead was moist with tiny, cold droplets of sweat. The heart was pounding against the walls of flesh. She was having nausea; the sort expecting women experience during gestation. She caressed her belly… her empty womb. She felt like throwing up but there was barely anything in her stomach. She gagged a few times but every time she ended up spitting out stale and bitter saliva.

 

She thought of him, his image was hazy like a reflection on the surface of water. I think I am passing out she thought. No, it’s just the weakness of nerves. His thought intensified her nausea. She really wanted to puke out her liver, heart, stomach and… the womb.

 

She had known him for 7 years. Those seven years were full of frenzy and passion. She didn’t know how and when he had become her weakness so much so that he would always call the shots. She had no say in anything. Not even when he would force himself upon her. Not even when he asked her to abort the child. She wanted to have baby but he wasn’t ready for a responsibility.

 

“You love me?” She had asked him.

 

“I do.”

 

“Then let’s get married and have a baby.” She implored hoping to hear a positive reply this time.

 

“You know your mother won’t accept me. And I am trying to get a job in Dubai. Let me make some money… we would have a family one day for sure.”

 

She knew he was only buying time. When she would recall his eyes, full of love and desire, her hope would revive. She had spent seven years of her life in this ambiguousness. She succumbed to his arguments once again and aborted the third time. She knew this time she didn’t only kill the fetus she had killed part of herself.

 

Her heart was sinking; she was totally soaked in the cold sweat. She hadn’t been feeling well since some time. She grabbed the corner of bed sheet as if trying to grasp for the air. She couldn’t inhale enough oxygen. Her mind submerged in the depths of darkness where she could see nothing but the swaying, dancing fetuses with tears falling from their under developed big eyes. She tossed and turned… the pain was becoming unbearable, the nausea was taking her life and above all she failed to shake off those wailing and begging images.

 

Time came to a stand still… but the clock kept ticking at it’s usual pace with out any regard.      

 

When he came back he found her sleeping. He shook her by the shoulder. She was only a curled up bundle of the dead flesh.  

 

 

(Inspired by a true incident)

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Kashkin permalink
    May 30, 2008 12:17 am

    Ayesha,
    Although I had left my comments on chowk to cover off the overall concept of human nature but it requires bit more. Its a beautiful story; the very title and painting reminds me of paintings by Gaughin and Van Gogh; and the story is been constructed beautifully as it depicts a story and its message so strong and needed to be well understood by our societies engripped where desire and concept of sacrifice takes precedence at times logic and ground reality. The character of the woman begins to see that reality but her body is being torn down; the character of the man brings the very important question why in God’s name pursue with a relationship when you are not up for it…For momentary pleasure and comfort and passion, such a waste……

    well done and we hope to see some more…

  2. May 30, 2008 4:14 am

    Hey Ayesha – I am going to post here my comments from CHOWK – jsut for your record.

    NADEEN: SHE said:

    “You love me?” She had asked him.
    “I do.”
    “Then let’s get married…”
    HE said:
    “You know your mother won’t accept me. And I am trying to get a job in Dubai. Let me make some money… we would have a family one day for sure.”

    So basically, SHE is with HIM in secrecy – Without marriage – and HE is ok with it.

    “She knew he was only buying time. When she would recall his eyes, full of love and desire, her hope would revive. She had spent seven years of her life in this ambiguousness. She succumbed to his arguments once again and aborted the third time. She knew this time she didn’t only kill the fetus she had killed part of herself.”

    She is a willing party – Both parties seem ok with living in secrecy.

    Now one practical observation – If this were true, how would He explain it to HER family?

    Trouble all the way!
    This the story of a lot of men and women these days!

    AYESHA5: Nadeen, Both of the knew well what they were doing. The man has been apprehended. Because this woman actually died in the hospital and imagine after admitting her he disappeared.

    NADEEN: Finally – There is justice out there! He dissappeared? That’s typical!

    AYESHA5: Yes, when he saw that she was about to die and the hospital staff sought his permission to operate her. He disappeared though initially he introduced himself as her husband.

    NADEEN: Probably did not want to pay the money – save his good name – but as long as he was apprehended – Its good – Now lets hope he get maximum punishment!

  3. Ayesha permalink
    May 30, 2008 1:10 pm

    Thank you Nadeen and Kashkin!

    This idea is enough to nauseate that the couple established illict realtionship and then he forced her to have an abortion not once or twice but thrice and it proved fatal the last time.

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