Comments on: The Lament

By: hfm

hfm — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 21:51:25 +0000

Gosh, I love this!
happy endings make you wonder what exactly did they do with their fianaces and other troublesome woes which occur in life.
Like in Cinderalla, after she married the Prince didn’t they ever argue over the wailing babies, over have petty fights over leaving the toilet seat down???Geez, it’s too unrealistic.

By: Ayesha

Ayesha — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 20:33:13 +0000

I am thinking to scrap the whole poem!

Or maybe change it when something relevant strikes my mind. For now, I’ll leave it as it is.

By: shobig

shobig — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 19:06:49 +0000

Ditto Cavaliere! And every story starts on a good note, so no need to mention that explicitly either. My two pence

By: Cavaliere

Cavaliere — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:45:01 +0000

I think shobig is right, the last two lines are redundant as you’ve already expressed the desire to re-write that story — meaning therefore, that the end was a bitter one or atleast not as you’d ve wanted it to be..

Rest of it is very very good !

By: Ayesha

Ayesha — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:49:53 +0000

Shobig: If I remove these sentences wouldn’t it look incomplete?

Aadil: Thanks… I’ll try!

By: Ubaid

Ubaid — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 07:22:06 +0000

wish we could rewrite the ending of our story too … but we wish it was a bitter end … coz atleast then we wouldn’t have to remember everything in such a beautiful and painful way nor have to suffer as much as we are suffering now !!

By: Aadil

Aadil — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 04:27:09 +0000

Very nice! Liked the phrase ’strangulating solitude’.
Share more!

By: shobig

shobig — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 19:54:34 +0000

Nice one Ayesha. the last two verses are redundant, however.

By: yesterdaywazbetter

yesterdaywazbetter — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 16:02:55 +0000

gone those days when stories use to end on the phrase “so they lived happily ever after”

yeh i wish that too !